War Games

I had two loves in high school: military history and videogames. Both subjects kept girls and a social life at bay, but I was satisfied with sitting at home on a Friday night playing Medal of Honor or watching Black Hawk Down for the 100th time. So imagine my excitement over the announcement of a videogame based on actual events in the Battle of Fallujah. Six Days of Fallujah, a third person tactical shooter (more Full Spectrum Warrior than Call of Duty) is set to release next year, with the narrative lifted from the experiences, pictures and diaries from the Marines in the battle.

Battle of Fallujah will be the first major game released while the war in Iraq still rages. But it got me thinking - what other games could have been released so far?

Legend of VBIED: The Opel of Time

Sorry Link, but your VBIED is in another AO!

Gamers are transported to an ancient land forgotten by modern technology with one of few exceptions: the legendary Opel sedan. They crisscross Iraq in the thousands, their cheap and reliable models a favorite in the hands of insurgents. Players will set out in a 3-D world with one mission: to find an Opel, loaded with hundreds of pounds of explosives, with only the color of the car as their guide. The player earns points by pulling over suspicious Opels and searching the car, only to find jerry-rigged water bottle radiators and twenty year old cassette tapes. The game ends when the player finds an Opel that is actually driven by insurgents, making the replay value nearly endless.

Euphrates City Ransom

Is he carrying a stick or a hot dog?

In this game, you play as Ahmed, an up and coming Son of Iraq that witnesses his donkey being kidnapped by al-Qaeda terrorists. Fuming with anger, Ahmed embarks on a cross-country war of retribution against the merciless organization. The game is a classic style side scrolling beat 'em up featuring weapons ranging from pool cues to rocket propelled grenades. Gamers will be required to finish complex puzzles like IED construction and severing the heads of nonbelievers. The final level of the game is set in a three dimensional puzzle where the player must navigate the 99 Levels of Iraqi Government to claim the Goblet of Legitimate Security, but beware of Prime Minister Maliki and his dual Gatling guns!

Duke Chuck 'Em 3D

Have you ever wanted to recreate the act of Iraqi journalist Muntadhar al-Zeidi, but don't want to rot in a Baghdad prison for a year? In this thrilling first person shooter, you play as Zeidi, a calm and cool undercover agent sent on a top secret mission to chuck a shoe at President Bush. Through twenty-four levels spanning from Camp Victory to the Green Zone, the player will encounter enemies, like pogue chow hall guards and feral dogs covered in shit, and throw wingtips at them. The final boss is George W. Bush, an agile an elusive enemy. Show that brush clearing imperialist who's boss!

Super Hussein Bros.





You'll be fighting over the controller with your 72 virgins when you play this fun platformer! You play as Captain X, a special forces operator hunting for two of the most wanted men in Iraq, Saddam's sons Uday and Qusay Hussein. Levels include underwater lairs, torture dungeons and unpredictable spider holes. Track down the elusive brothers alone or with a team. You'll be packing heat with fireflowers, super mushrooms and daisy cutting MOABs.

Petraeus

This isn't a rip off of Tetris, it's a...re-imagining. Rush to fit all the pieces of the Iraq war together before the SOFA time limit expires! The most important rule: do not let the Paul Bremer piece touch the Iraq piece. The results are catastrophic to the game and could extend the level for seven plus years.

(This post is dedicated to SSG Jesse Williams, my former team leader and fellow gamer. He always made fun of me for my penchant for videogames but always found time to play. He died from wounds suffered in Baqubah two years ago yesterday.)